You can take the girl out of The Bronx, but...

Well, you know the rest. I have to confess for a long time I really tried to get rid of The Bronx. For a long time after that I thought I had. And for a long time I felt good about it. I'd escaped. No one could tell by my speech, my look, my style, etc. I used to love to hear, "You're from The Bronx? I'd never have guessed."

And it's more than that. It's escaping a past that didn't fit in with my fantasy of who I wanted to become, who I wanted to be. It was an escape from a certain social class, an escape from parents whose customs, manners, interests felt alien to me - or maybe the truth was I wanted them to feel alien to me. I wanted to be my own creation! 

But deep down I knew the truth. I knew it and it bothered me. I felt like there was really no escape. Not from The Bronx. Not from the lower income class that shaped me. Not from a mother who loved a bargain more than almost anything. And it bothered me.

But lately something has changed. It's been sneaking up on me. And for the first time it doesn't bother me. Is it an age thing? Do you have to reach a certain time in your life where you can appreciate where you've come from? Where you've been?

I have come a long way - in some ways - and I feel good about it. But I also feel good, finally, that in many ways I haven't mentally left my past behind me.

When I first started getting involved with auction hunting and selling my finds I just saw it as a new and exciting path. I love the thrill of having the top bid and feeling that I got a great deal. I love the thrill of selling that treasure and getting even more than I anticipated...

Oh God, it suddenly hit me! I'd become my mother!! Instinctively, I cringed. I had worked so hard not to be her. When all I did was write and publish books I thought I had "broken free." Except a peek beneath the surface and I see my mom reading many of the genres I wrote. I see my father spending all his spare time writing and trying to get something, anything published.

But my treasure hunting really brought it home with a jolt. My mother would have loved doing this. I am my mother!

And then it hit me. It was okay. I could be like her in this way. Probably in a lot of ways, but I won't get into that.

What's important to me here is a kind of acceptance of who I truly am.

I'm a girl from The Bronx. I can't get it out of me.
And I finally don't want to!

OLDER and WISER: When you come to a fork...can you take both paths?...

OLDER and WISER: When you come to a fork...can you take both paths?...: It's been a while. That's because I've been standing at this stupid fork in the road trying to decide which path I should take. See, I've be...

When you come to a fork...can you take both paths?

It's been a while. That's because I've been standing at this stupid fork in the road trying to decide which path I should take. See, I've been a writer for over 25 years. Maybe it's thirty. And of course I'm still writing as this blog attests. But...this is a big and painful but...I haven't had a book published in "paper" form for several years. And not for want of trying.

Rejection is a hard pill to swallow, especially after years of happily "eating sweet success."Oh, a couple of publishers have put older books up as ebooks and I've put up a few I wasn't able to get published the traditional way. (My grown kids tell me I have to wake up to the reality that "the traditional way" is not today's way. And I'm having a hard time grappling with this reality).

One of the joys of writing, for me, has always been the solitary nature of the work. Now, to be successful one big component is marketing myself. It's not that I don't know lots of stuff to do...it's more the idea and actuality of doing it. So as I walk along this path I'm walking very slowly.

And here's this other path. I've actually been strolling along it for a couple of years but telling myself that all it was was a stroll. A fun outing. A fun outing that became many fun outings. A hobby that became something that grabbed my interest more and more. I'm not ready to call it "another career" yet, but there's no question I feel a new vibrancy and excitement.

It began innocently enough. A friend asked me to help her sell a bunch of "stuff" for the daughter of a relative who'd passed away. The relative was a hoarder, but a hoarder of very fine items-clothes, collectibles, fine books, etc.

I was joined in the task by a friend who was suffering from stage 4 breast cancer and needed something to occupy her. We were occupied a-plenty, joining eBay as partners and selling just about everything. We took a percentage and sent the daughter quite a bit of money. But then it was over. Or was it? We began going through our basements, friends' basements, unearthing little treasures and selling them on eBay. We even had a few clients who asked us to sell items for them.

And then K. passed away. I was bereft. We had spent so many days, weeks, months "working" together. I felt lost. And then I realized I didn't want to stop doing something I had really loved doing. But where to get things to sell? And then it came to me...something from the past I had always loved...auctions! Funky country auctions. Many of them list their highlighted items ahead of time.

I began to do research on everything I could. And I've been learning so much and loving it. Best of all, I'm really getting good at it. Recently I bought a painting for a couple hundred dollars at a country auction that's been shipped to Bonhams in Edinborough with a $9,000-13,000 estimate! I'll keep you posted. The auction is on Dec. 6th...

So, here is the answer to my own question. I can take both paths. I can take pleasure in the different landscapes each path offers. I can learn so much from my journey on both paths. So visit me at either or both: elisetitle.com  and/or sellitgetit, my store on eBay! I love visitors. Oh yeah, and I love buyers!!

Now I'm left wondering what will happen when I come to  a 4-way crossing?

OLDER and WISER: It's deja vu...only in reverse!

OLDER and WISER: It's deja vu...only in reverse!: "I'm hearing my own words, words I've said in the past. Words I've said to my kids. When they were young. When I was fairly young myself. O..."

It's deja vu...only in reverse!

I'm hearing my own words, words I've said in the past. Words I've said to my kids. When they were young. When I was fairly young myself.

Only now the words aren't coming out of my mouth. They're coming out of the mouths of my children. And they're saying these words to me. Go know how well they'd remember all the things I used to say to them. All the advice I gave them. Words of support. Of admonishment. Of warning. Of concern. You can do it if you put your mind to it. Don't just say you'll take care of something, actually take care of it. Is that really what you're going to wear?? If you spend all your time procrastinating you'll just feel bad about yourself. You have to stop obsessing; stop worrying; stop saying "but".

It's all very good advice my kids are giving me. Just like it was very good advice I gave them. And it's not like I still don't on occasion say this stuff to my kids. But now it's more a matter of a give and take.

If you think I mind it, you're dead wrong. I said these words to them with love and I feel love when they say them back to me. It's all about caring. And I have to say their words of encouragement, even admonishment, are not only well-meant but also right on the money. I'm struggling with issues that require me to step out of my comfort zone and, no big surprise here, I find that damn hard to do. Should I do it? Yes. Absolutely! Do I want to do it? Sure, on some intellectual level. But emotionally, the last thing I want to do is step out there where my comfort level is nil.

And here are my kids, prodding, cajoling, scolding, encouraging me...saying all the things, in short, I used to say to them. It's deja vu...only in reverse.

And it's having an effect. I'm slowly getting my toes wet in waters I never thought I'd have the courage to step in. I guess you could say I'm following in my children's footsteps!

Time flies when you're...growing old!

Remember when you were little and were waiting for what seemed forever until you turned five and could go to kindergarten? Or when you were in middle school and felt like you'd never finally be old enough to go to high school? And four years of college. It lasted for so long. And what about going to work on Monday and watching the days drag by until finally, finally it was TGIF. 

You get the idea. Time practically stood still when I was young. Now I feel like I blink and another week's gone by. Summer starts and before I know it the leaves are falling. Even winter, which always seemed endless when I was younger, is over quicker nowadays.

This morning I picked up my pill case, the kind with a separate compartment for every day of the week. The pills for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were gone. Just like that. In the blink of an eye. Where did those three days go? And now Thursday's almost over.I swear it feels like I just finished breakfast but  I've got to start dinner because those damn seconds, minutes, hours disappeared before I could catch my breath.

It's not fair. Just when I long for time to slow down it's going at warp speed. A month is a week, a week a day, a day a few measly minutes. I need to slow it down. Somehow. Some way.

Of course there's no real way to slow time. But I'm going to try to do the next best thing. Appreciate the moment. Each moment. Take the moment and milk it for all it's worth. Hold it firmly in my hands, in my heart, in my mind.

Time is merely a series of moments. And we can only live in one moment at a time. I still love looking forward to special events, a vacation, a get-together with family or close friends. But if I only think ahead, I'm there before I know it. I figure I don't have to help time speed by. I can focus on the moment I'm doing my thing.

And let time do its thing.

OLDER and WISER: I went to hear music and landed on Planet Face Lif...

OLDER and WISER: I went to hear music and landed on Planet Face Lif...: "Honestly, I'm not against face lifts. But it starts to feel like I've landed on a weird planet when I go to a concert at Tanglewood and nine..."